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ashton_albright
I found a post on a website. The person was talking about killing themselves and resenting those that tell them not to be sad or to be happy. They were asking why it isn't okay to think that suicide is the answer that they have no future. This was my response to that....



Their words do carry weight and I can't tell you it will get better, because that depends on you. I have been there. I have filled the tub half with water. I have put the knife to my wrist and pressed until it was just this side of cutting. I have been there more times then I can count, on that edge of life and death, but I always stopped and thought. I can't tell you what I thought but it gave me hope for a better day tomorrow. It gave me courage to stand up the next day and listen to the same things. It gave me myself to stand beside, myself to hold me up and provide a shoulder. Along the way there were hands that picked me up but without myself to give me courage I never would have made it. What ever thought it was (my mother finding me laying in a pool of blood) that gave me (my grandmother weeping and with drawling away from the world) courage and (my grandfather's anger to hide his sadness) hope but whatever it was (the things I would miss all those experiences) kept me going (and once the voices started to quiet and I could really live) through the worst of their torments. I survived it. I survived it and so can you. My inbox is always open and if you choose to talk to me

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I've been thinking about this post all day. Thinking about hope...or not even hope but maybe just whatever's left after despair leaves a person. I wish that no one had to feel her options were so limited.  It got me thinking also about a talented poet I have heard...Andrea Gibson...one of her pieces is called "Say yes" and it fits with what I think is a bit of what you're saying...just say yes to the keep trying part of you. The save others from finding you, mourning you...part of you... so many things.  </p>

here it is: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CD0QtwIwAg&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Ds3NHrDu-O4s&ei=AjwsUeWNKe242QWqh4CoDg&usg=AFQjCNF0HeXUNKytGXxpWFThQuLzwt9meg


First, thank you for sharing that, it does fit very well. I am forwarding that link onto the original post. It is exactly what I was going for. Saying yes to that part of you that still hopes no matter what. To that little voice that cries out faintly under everything else and reminds us that there is a sun.

Second, thank you for thinking about this post. I tend to talk about my past, the bullying I went through that lead me thinking that was my only option, only in poetry. I have trouble expressing it like I did there and was afraid that I missed the mark, but the fact that it made you think, if even for a second, makes me extremely happy. I feel like in the world we are living in now, even with all the anti-[insert your cause here], that people forget about the victim, they get caught up in the hoopla and forget the original purpose. That posts like the original one will go un-noticed because they are dealing with the bully not the damage first. To me, the victim is being lost until after the damage is done...

Once again thank you.

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